


dead leaves

by shuanime



Category: SEVENTEEN (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Angst, Infidelity, M/M, joshua's attached, minor cheolsoo
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-01-16
Updated: 2019-02-10
Packaged: 2019-10-11 06:04:02
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,843
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17441321
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/shuanime/pseuds/shuanime
Summary: At first, you think it's fine, that the feeling is something you can get used to, something you can manage. But then it gets worse. The days gets shorter, exhausting; and you're left alone thinking it's all so draining, wondering why the sun sets too fast--why it doesn't stay just a second longer to comfort you. Eventually, you just give up hope. You just find yourself accepting.





	1. bare trees.

**Author's Note:**

> heyya. jihan angst. because im in pain.

 

Unlike every other love he had, only one gave him life.

 

One said his name eagerly, passionately—like it’s the only word that matters in the world. Only one kissed him happily, grinning and teeth clashing, hummed as their kiss-bitten lips ghost against each other. Only one made him blush under the dull gleam of his kitchen lights. 

 

“Joshuji,” he slurs, mind foggy but heart determined to have him back. 

 

The phone receiver is pressed against his tear-stained cheek too rigid, too scared; but he can be heard too well.

 

“Joshu-uji,” he repeats the nickname. Over and over. 

 

Again and again and again until his chest clenches, and he’s a wailing mess once again.

 

“I’m sorry, Joshua,” he says in between drunken sobs. “I’m so sorry, baby.”

 

Out of all the love he had, only one gave him all.

 

One enjoyed the cliché, swore that the chocolates, roses, and good night kiss was the best thing he had ever received. Only one made his mother say, “ _He must be special._ ”

 

Only one told him, “ _You don’t have to worry about them anymore, babe. I’m yours._ ”

 

“I still love you,” Jeonghan cries. “I love you. I’m so sorry, Joshuji. Come back to me.”

 

He chants his name, begs until he passes out from intoxication, but even then, voicemail won’t answer back.

 

 

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

 

 

Joshua sits on his bathroom floor, sprawled over the rugs and unable to move. His finger hovers over the button that would let him hear the voice he badly wanted to forget.

 

(A silly reminder that he has been having a hard time forgetting seeing as even with the contact deleted, he knows the numbers by heart.)

 

But he swallows the lump in his throat and presses the button anyway. 

 

_“I love you. I’m so sorry, Joshuji. Come back to me.”_

 

By the sound of the cries, Joshua knows he had alcohol. Jeonghan never cries sober. Jeonghan probably never does anything sober.

 

_Except tell you he loves you,_ a voice at the furthest back of his mind says.

 

Frozen, he blinks the tears away. They’re persistent—tear after tear after tear and Joshua does nothing to stop them from being free.

 

He remembers—quite vividly even. The way Jeonghan’s face slowly blanched when he stumbled in his flat replays in his mind. The woman walked out of the bathroom at the exact same time, wearing that huge shirt Joshua used to make fun of, and he can’t help remembering Jeonghan dressing him with the same shirt once after they made love.

 

Joshua heard it from the stammer of his words, the sharp intake of breath and the shaking of his hands as he fumbled to pull on pants. And he knew the woman didn’t know either as she asked, truly confused, _‘Babe, who’s your friend there?’_

 

_How could he?_

 

But he did.

 

Joshua thumbs the call button.

 

Voicemail, too. How convenient.

 

His phone never felt so cold against his cheek.

 

“If you still l-love me,” he says oh so softly--prays silently. “Call me tomorrow when you’re sober.” 

 

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

 

 

He didn’t.

 

 

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Unlike Jeonghan, Joshua only ever loved once.

 

 

 


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> how they came to be

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> unbeta'd and not quite painful

**_December 31st_ **

 

It’s the first day Joshua will ever attend a party of Mingyu’s, the first time he’ll actually mingle with the popular crowd. It’s the New Year’s Eve, so he indulges his best friend. His friendship with the tall, lanky-legged boy started only when he found out that the guy’s easy-going, famous persona is just his outer shell, that deep inside he’s just a little puppy that requires pats every time he feels insecure with his Instagram posts or the glass he broke several times.

 

Joshua’s been patting for a whole year now, and he can say having Mingyu in his life makes him forget— _sometimes_ —that he’s alone and single and probably never going to find love.

 

Or so he thought he’d never find love until his eyes fall on the most beautiful person he has ever seen in his life.

 

Blond cropped hair, sharp cheekbones, broad shoulders—he doesn’t even know where to start.

 

The man was talking to a girl with his arm slung on the back of the couch, hand touching her shoulder lightly. And the girl looks like she’s absorbing everything he says, drinking him up with her eyes. And Joshua understands why. 

 

He’s divine. 

 

And he’s drawn to him the way that girl is, the way all the planets are drawn to the sun.

 

But Joshua keeps to himself at the kitchen island, nursing his drink because he doesn’t really like alcohol. 

 

 

 

 

 

 

_Not like he’s gonna notice someone like me._

 

 

 

 

 

***

 

 

 

 

 

 

He is still at the same place, waiting for the party to die down so he can go to Mingyu and tell him, “I survived one of yours. Now you have to go to mine,” and have the huge oaf kick and whine about not wanting to spend his whole weekend holed up in Joshua’s room watching anime and inhaling cheap wine and Doritos.

 

But all thoughts are interrupted when the man he has been trying to watch the whole night just grabs him by the waist out of nowhere. 

 

 

 

“Is it okay? I’m sorry,” he says, but Joshua’s already laughing. 

 

 

“You’re asking now?”

 

 

“Yeah. Just giving you a chance to flee if you don’t wanna.”

 

 

Joshua chuckled some more. “Name?”

 

 

“Yoon Jeonghan,” the man says, tone smug and sure.

 

 

“Hong Jisoo.”

 

 

Jeonghan’s grip on his waist tightens. “What a lovely name.”

 

 

Joshua just rolls his eyes playfully, hands uneasy and flailing at his sides a little. 

 

 

“You can tell Mingyu to murder me if I do anything awful to you tonight.”

 

 

“Mingyu wouldn’t hurt a soul.”

 

 

“I know.”

 

 

And when Jeonghan leans in for a kiss, Joshua’s hands hooks around the blond’s nape.

 

 

 

As he feels the Jeonghan’s breath lightly touch is upper lip, Joshua closed his eyes.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

He never remembered to open them after that.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

**_January 1st_ **

 

The clock struck midnight.

 

Everyone is basically drunk and wasted, but Joshua couldn’t care less.

 

Not when he’s pressed against Mingyu’s fridge, making out with the beautiful man.

 

He feels the warmth of his breath, the nibbles on his lip. It’s all too much and too little. He’s on fire but he wants to burn even more.

 

Who would’ve thought he’d ever catch his name much less have him kiss him like this?

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

**_January 21st_ **

 

Unknown Number

 

hey jisoo

its jeonghan

yoon jeonghan. from mingyu’s party last week?

 

Joshua

 

Oh, hey!

How’d you get my number?

 

Unknown Number

 

had to ask Mingyu of course.

had to force it out of him… to be honest

 

Joshua

 

Oh my God what did you do?

 

Unknown Number

 

nothing harsh. let’s just say I told him I can’t let someone as beautiful as you get away

 

 

 

 

 

 

***

 

 

 

 

 

 

Three days later, Jeonghan appears at his doorstep with a smile on his face, looking like the stunning man that he is. 

 

 

 

“Where did you get my address?”

 

 

Jeonghan shrugs. “You might’ve told me when we were texting—I don’t remember, Jisoo. All I know is I memorized it and I’m here.”

 

 

Joshua’s certain he never told him, but he can’t help thinking it’s nice that he knows.

 

 

“Okay. So why are you here?”

 

 

“To let you know I’m taking you to dinner.”

 

 

Joshua raises a confused eyebrow. “Dinner?”

 

 

“Yeah. Do you want to?”

 

 

“You’re asking now?”

 

 

“Hey,” Jeonghan says with his gorgeous lethargic smile, and Joshua is pulled in once again. “Better late than never, right?”

 

 

 

 

 

He’s right. 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Joshua lets him take him to dinner that night.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

**_February 14th_ **

 

“Thanks,” Joshua says through a smile that he can’t wipe off his face. “For the dinner. And the chocolates. And these roses.”

 

He holds each item up, waving the fire red flowers and box of sweets in the air. Jeonghan does the grandest, sweetest, most cliché gestures—and Joshua loves it. When he saw him at his doorstep with such gifts, Joshua swore he could feel his heart ’s desire to leap out of his chest.

 

He’s a simple person. It takes only one man to really make him happy.

 

Jeonghan snickers and brings a hand to scratch at his nape bashfully.

 

Joshua’s smile deepens. He’s truly, absolutely happy.

 

 

“I was actually nervous you won’t like my..” He trails off, eyeing the presents. “My corny attempt to let you know you’re beautiful.”

 

 

 

 

One. 

 

 

 

 

Two. 

 

 

 

 

Three.

 

 

 

 

It takes Joshua three steps until he could close the space between their lips.

 

 

 

 

“I love it,” Joshua whispers amid the kiss. Jeonghan grins against it and pulls him closer by the waist, fire in their core ablaze as skin grazes skin and teeth clash and tongues meet.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

And Joshua swears he can feel the rest of his life, pressed against his lips.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

**_February 26th_ **

 

The house is empty. Joshua’s housemates are away for another party held by Mingyu. And this time Joshua doesn’t find himself lonely. With Jeonghan’s thumb rubbing comforting circles on his back as they lie horizontal across his bed, fully clothed and atmosphere filled with spoken, shared dreams and goals.

 

He lays his head on Jeonghan’s chest, hears the steady beating of the blond’s heart, holds him close with a hand on his abdomen.

 

Jeonghan buries his face in Joshua’s hair, sniffs the light clean scent of the younger, pushes their bodies closer together.

 

They stay that way. In silence. In warm, comfortable silence.

 

It’s all calm and perfect, but Joshua feels like he’ll implode every time he thinks he mistakes Jeonghan’s nose rubbing against his hair for tiny peppering kisses. 

 

 

“Are you awake?” Comes Jeonghan’s low voice. 

 

 

Joshua only hums. Jeonghan’s voice fills his ears and whole being, and he doesn’t want to ruin it with his own. So he only hums.

 

 

“Can you…”

 

 

“Hm?”

 

 

“Will you be my boyfriend?”

 

 

 

Joshua sits somewhat up, eyes frantically trying to find Jeonghan’s. 

 

 

 

_ Is he serious? _

 

 

 

“Joshua, will you be my boyfriend?”

 

 

Jeonghan sounds smug. Sure, even. But the slight illumination brought by the dim light from the lamp on his bedside table shows him a tinge of pink on Jeonghan’s cheeks. It’s nothing compared to the heat he’s feeling up to the roots of his hair, but Jeonghan, the most confident person that ever existed in his life, is blushing and that’s more than he could ask for in this lifetime.

 

 

“Are you being shy right now?”

 

 

“Shua, I swear to Go—“

 

 

Joshua presses a kiss to his lips. A short one. Just enough to tell him his answer.

 

 

“Yes, Hannie.” He laughs, head falling back on the older’s chest, and Jeonghan’s face burying back in his hair. “As if you didn’t know what my answer would be.”

 

 

Jeonghan lets out a laugh as well. He says something, voice muffled by Joshua’s mop of hair, but the younger still catches it with his heart. 

 

 

“—trying to make sure if I can really have you. I’m just a poor man, and you’re priceless.”

 

 

 

 

 

Joshua falls asleep like that—in Jeonghan’s embrace. In his boyfriend’s embrace.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

_It’s all too fast_ , Mingyu warns him the next day, _But if you’re happy, I’m happy._

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> it gets worse dont worry

**Author's Note:**

> -i love u thanks for reading  
> -im sorry i had to make it like this ,,, heavily inspired by a true to life story of a failed relationship  
> -i hope all the pain tastes like pain bc i'd be an inefficient writer otherwise which now that i think about it isn't rllyg wrong  
> -leave a comment kudos or anything that can let me know you've been here!
> 
>  
> 
>  
> 
> twitter & curiouscat: shuanime


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